Tess & Natalie

[Natalie has brought Tess some salad]
Tess: That's sweet, but I'm really not hungry.
Natalie: Hi. I'm Natalie. I'm -- I'm Jessica's twin sister, the one you said killed herself.
Tess: Wow. It's obvious which twin got the looks part of the deal.
Natalie: At least I'm real.
Tess: Ooh, I sense some hostility.


Natalie: Look, I know how this works, so don't try to pull anything on me. I may feel sorry for Jessica --
Tess: Don't you dare feel sorry for me, thanks.


Natalie: You're just a fragment, another personality, and not a very nice one. In fact, I don't know why we're all running around pretending like you're not a spoiled brat and a dangerous person.
Tess: Wow, you've got a hell of a lot of nerve.


Natalie: Oh, don't act innocent. Last year, Jessica saw someone pull the plug on Tico Santi, and then she conveniently had this blackout and she blamed Antonio for it, swore she saw him do it, and then got him charged for murder, and I know that blackout was you. And let's not forget that you tried to kill my mother.
Tess: And I like to put my feet up on the furniture, too. Let's not forget that.


Tess: You know, when people fantasize about their long-lost twin sister, their new best friend, I don't know if they rarely think about a self-righteous, stuck-up little --
Natalie: Watch it.
Tess: Do you want to fill in the blank?


Natalie: Lois said that you have not been eating. I'm going to tell you right now that that's going to change. You are going to start taking care of yourself and you are going to take care of my little niece or nephew, and I mean it.
Tess: I take damn good care of this baby. And, Natalie, I know how to take care of myself, thank you.


[Tess is upset to hear about Ginger's death]
Natalie: Look, I -- I'm sorry. I wouldn't have brought you the paper if I had known.
Tess: Known what? That I care about somebody other than myself?


Tess: I clean up the messes for Jessica, okay? I have to be tough enough to deal with the jerks that she lets into her life, jerks like Tico Santi. But with Nash, I found out that I'm not just a tough girl. Not that you care.
Natalie: Tough's cool. It works for me.
Tess: Yeah. It takes a real thick skin to survive hanging out in a mansion.


Natalie: That man that you saw kill Tico Santi? That was my husband. My husband who had no idea what he was doing, but went to prison anyway, but then made me believe he was dead, and then guess what -- I fell in love with the cop who put him there, who also didn't tell me that Cristian was alive, and they both lied to me, so I told them both to shove it and I had to start my life over again.
Tess: Wow. We really are twins.


Natalie: Look, you know what, if I hurt you, I'm sorry.
Tess: Natalie, don't sweat it. I wasn't trying to bond with you or anything.
Natalie: There really is no getting through to you, is there?
Tess: You know, just stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours.


Natalie: Yeah, I just had some face time with Tess.
Antonio: Oh. Well, she can be pretty vicious sometimes. Just try and ignore anything she says.
Natalie: Yeah, it's kind of hard to when she's right.


[Tess is trying on Natalie's wedding dress and fantasizing about her own wedding]
Tess: "I, Tess, take you, Nash --" oh, my goodness.
Natalie: (coming in the room) What the hell are you doing in my wedding dress?


Natalie: (about the wedding dress) Where did you get that?
Tess: Look, I didn't know it was yours. I found it upstairs in a box. I just thought it'd be fun to take it for a spin. See? Yeah. It doesn't even fit me anyway. I can't even get the zipper done up.


Natalie: So what was it that I heard that happened here yesterday, all that drama with your boyfriend, who apparently scammed some rich girl out of all of her money and then drove her into the loony bin?
Tess: Yeah. Well, you know, at least he didn't pull the plug on some guy in a coma, because that -- that really takes some courage.


Natalie: Your boyfriend is a hustler and now everyone knows it -- except apparently you, unless you're just too proud to admit it.
Tess: Jessica is the heiress here, okay, not me. Nash is not with me for my money, okay? He took me in when he thought I had nothing, and I stole from him. And he saw the good in me anyway.
Natalie: You really love that guy, don't you?
Tess: Yeah. So what?


Natalie: Now do you believe that I'm over Cristian?
Tess: (who hasn't even been paying attention to Natalie) What did you say?


Natalie: (about Tess) I finally met her.
Jessica: Huh. A piece of work, isn't she?
Natalie: Well, she's got enough of you in her that she's not totally awful, but I didn't like it so much when I caught her in my wedding dress.


Tess: Back off, Natalie.
Natalie: I am not going to stand here while you go off on my mother.
Tess: Oh, well, she's our mother, according to her.


[Tess broke the mirror in the foyer at Llanfair]
Natalie: What happened?
Tess: Well, I don't know. The table and the flowers got in a fight with the mirror, so I had to break it up.
Natalie: Well, how noble of you.
Tess: Thank you. I got pissed, ok, Natalie? But I take it out on things, not other people. I just had to blow off some steam. I'm fine now.


[Natalie is furious when she finds out that Tess stole Viki's bottle of scotch and Cristian was blamed for it]
Natalie: That was you?
Tess: I was thirsty.
Natalie: All that time, I was defending him, and it was you?
Tess: Hey! I never blamed him. It was Jessica. Which -- come on, Natalie, don't kid yourself -- that was probably the only reason he was hanging around in the first place. He wanted to give another try with the good twin.
Natalie: You bitch!


Tess: Come on, am I supposed to believe that you care about me?
Natalie: I have always cared about Jessica.
Tess: Well let me remind you of something -- I am not Jessica, and I don't need you or anybody else.
Natalie: You know, people used to say that I was selfish and obnoxious. I guess I was a saint compared to you.
Tess: Go to hell, Natalie. Take the rest of the family with you.