Tess & Antonio

[Tess deletes a voicemail message Antonio left for Jessica]
Tess: Antonio, how can you be this pathetic? Talk about stalker. Oh, well. Another message Jessica won't get.


Tess: (to Antonio) You're hopeful, generous, and open. It's been a long time, but it seems like tonight, I don't know, the old Antonio is back, the man I fell in love with.
[Antonio leaves to answer a phone call...Tess mutters to herself]
Tess: "The old Antonio's back." Who cares? Because the old Jessica is nowhere in sight.


[After Antonio has left, Tess feels free to rant about him to herself]
Tess: I let you paw me every night, I'm taking care of your little brat, even your "Mami." Now I have to sit here and pretend to be interested in your charitable ideas? Don't think so, buddy. It is time that I have some fun, on your dime.
[Tess gets a piece of paper and writes a note to Antonio]
Tess: (writing) "Antonio, I had to go home. Love --" underline, underline, -- "Jess. XX, hug, hug."


Tess: Save me a glass of champagne.
Antonio: Right, I'll see you soon.
Tess: Okay. (she hangs up the phone) Not if I can help it.


Tess: Like I really want to go to some stupid wedding with Antonio all over me like some cheap suit.


Antonio: (getting "Jessica"/Tess a drink) Here you go. It's been a long day for you.
Tess: That's the way it goes sometimes.


["Jessica" -- really Tess -- seems stressed out after the wedding]
Antonio: (to Viki) I think catching that bouquet may have a put a little pressure on her. (to "Jessica"/Tess) Listen, honey, I don't ever want you to feel pushed into anything, especially when it comes to our relationship.
Tess: Thanks. Really, I don't know what I have done to deserve you.


[Tess is fed up with Antonio and the Buchanans hovering over her all the time...she escapes to her bedroom and rants to herself angrily]
Tess: "What's wrong? What's wrong, my perfect little princess? What's wrong?" Ugh. Oh. Then there's Antonio. "You know I always love you, Jessica. I love you so much. I want to suck the life right out of you!" Ugh, I can't take it anymore! I can't be around them anymore. Oh, I cannot keep this sweet Jessica act up anymore. I swear, I got to get out of here.


Tess: (to Ginger about Antonio) Just every time Jessica's with him, she just gets stronger, more sure of herself, and I keep on telling her what a loser he is, and she just won't listen. He's not going to be a problem for long, though. There's finishing first and there's losing, and I don't lose.


Ginger: What's your problem with Antonio, anyway? I mean, he seemed fine to me.
Tess: Yeah, yeah, great. He seems fine. He really turns on the charm. But you don't know him like I do, Ginger, okay? He's wrong for Jessica. He's completely wrong.


Antonio: Drive safely.
Tess: Drive like an old lady, you mean.


Tess: You know, I really should've taken Natalie up on that drink. Would you mind getting me another one?
Antonio: No, no. Vodka tonic? Yeah?
Tess: Yes, thank you.
[Antonio leaves and Tess mutters to herself]
Tess: Whatever. A free drink is a free drink.


Tess: I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop asking me that.
Antonio: Asking you what?
Tess: "Are you all right, Jessica?" "Is everything okay, Jessica?" "What's wrong, Jessica?"


Todd: Jessica's not the wimp you think she is.
Tess: Oh, please. Have you ever seen her with Antonio?


[Todd thinks that Tess is out to protect Jessica from Antonio]
Tess: You're right, I do like to push out whenever I think "Tonio" is getting too serious, which is pretty much all the time.


Tess: (to Ginger) Antonio is so controlling, it's ridiculous. You should see Jessica around him. Really, she wilts like a wet rag if he raises an eyebrow or flexes a muscle. It's pathetic.


Antonio: You're breaking up with me? Why?
Tess: (pretending to be Jessica) I just really think that it is the right thing for both of us.


Antonio: There's something definitely wrong here, and I deserve to know what it is.
Tess: The only thing that's wrong is us and the fact that you're not listening to me.


Antonio: Well, I'm not going anywhere, Jessica.
Tess: Great, then let me go.


Antonio: So this -- this personality -- Tess -- what do you know about her?
Jessica: Well, very little, except that she -- she hates you.


Tess: There is no way this kid is Antonio's.
Jessica: You don't know that.
Tess: Do the math. When is the last time that you and Latin boy did the horizontal mambo?


Tess: (about Jessica) How can somebody be nagging and boring at the same time? No wonder Jessica and Antonio love each other so much.


Tess: You keep on insisting that this is Antonio's baby when you and I know there's only the teensiest, tiniest chance that could possibly be true. You had sex with him once and you practice safe sex. As dumb as Antonio is, he can still figure out those odds. And let's just say that I do let you out and you scamper off to Antonio. Love you or not, what do you think his first question will be? It'll be, "Who's the daddy?"
Jessica: I'll tell him the truth -- he is.
Tess: And when he asks you, "How can you know that for sure?" You're going to need a better answer than, "I know it deep down in my heart." Face it, Pollyanna, we're both screwed.


Tess: (to Jessica) Okay, let's -- let's just say that this baby is Nash's. Do you really think that Senor Antonio is man enough to raise another guy's baby? I mean, last time I checked, he could barely keep custody of his own brat.


Tess: God, why can't you just leave me alone?
Antonio: I'm not going anywhere, not until I talk to Jessica.
Tess: Well, you have a long wait ahead of you.


Antonio: Jessica created you, and she will be cured. All you'll be is an aspect of her personality.
Tess: Yeah, well, this aspect has a name and it's Tess, and you better get used to calling me that, okay, pal, because the power struggle is over. Jessica's never coming back.


Antonio: You know, I'd love to talk to you. We barely know each other.
Tess: Well, I have got some major problems with you.
Antonio: But here we are.
Tess: Not for long, buddy.


[Tess steals a gun from a police officer and aims it at Antonio]
Tess: Okay. Okay, here's the deal. You let go of Nash or I shoot Antonio.


Antonio: I just want to say one thing. Do you mind?
Tess: What?
Antonio: You know I love Jessica. You know that.
Tess: Not what I want to hear right now, Antonio.


Tess: (to Nash) I will not be Antonio's little lap dog. He would stick a G.P.S. chip in Jessica's butt if that meant that he could keep tabs on her.


Antonio: (to the Buchanans about Tess) Well, she's right. She doesn't have to talk if she doesn't want to.
Tess: Am I supposed to be grateful now?
Antonio: No. No, I just thought that if you want to talk to Nash you should be able to.
Tess: Oh, well, thank you, Antonio. Thank you very much. I'm a real person, aren't I?


[Antonio agrees to let Tess call Nash]
Antonio: You know the number to the winery?
Tess: Well, yes, I do, Antonio. It is my house. It's 916-555-0139, and please be sure to dial 1 before you place your call.


Dr. Fox: Tess, you're not going to disappear.
Tess: No, I won't disappear, but I'll end up with him. (she gestures to Antonio) And you know what? That's worse.


Antonio: Maybe we should just bring Jess back.
Tess: What, you going to put me back in my room, big boy?


Antonio: Who do you think you are?
Tess: Somebody who's not going to be shoved around by you.


Antonio: I have an idea, and the only way it's going to work is if we're all willing to cooperate.
Tess: Please, hurry up and tell us. I know I can hardly wait.


Antonio: Come with me to our loft. I promise I'll have you back here before Nash's flight arrives. I have something I want to show you.
Tess: It's your loft, and I would rather drink drain opener than go anywhere with you.


Nash: You're worried about Antonio busting in.
Tess: Yes, I am. I mean, that's what he always does. He comes busting in, and then he babbles on about this great love that he has for Jessica to make her come out, and it's sick.


Antonio: Jessica, if you're in there, please, talk to me.
Tess: Back the hell off, Antonio, right now.
Antonio: I want to talk to Jessica.
Tess: Well, too bad, because she doesn't want to come out, okay? You know, you're going to have to get this at some point. This is my life, this is my boyfriend, and this is my baby, okay? And nothing you can say or do is going to make me disappear. I'm good and pissed, Antonio, and I am never as strong as when I am good and pissed. So you get the hell out of here or I'm going to call the cops.


Antonio: I made Jessica a promise that I would keep her safe and that's what I'm going to do.
Tess: Okay, fine, fine, fine. So go stand out in the hall and then we'll let you back in when we're ready -- 15 minutes, okay?
Antonio: No.
Tess: Antonio, I'm five months pregnant. We're on the second floor. What am I going to do -- jump out the window and fly away?


Antonio: Jessica?
Tess: No such luck, Antonio.


Tess: Oh, great. Antonio. Run and get me some salad dressing?
Antonio: You're mentally impaired, not physically. Get it yourself.
Tess: That's not very nice.


Antonio: Look, you know, you keep talking to me like I'm the enemy.
Tess: Wow, you have a firm grasp of the obvious.


Antonio: I'm not the one who's keeping secrets from you. Has Nash told you who beat him up yet?
Tess: You know, you're pretty cocky for a member of the Santi family.


Tess: You know, Jessica's not in right now, so why don't you call back later?
Antonio: Okay.
Tess: Much later.


Antonio: You know, I heard you when -- when you were saying that Jessica needed you.
Tess: Wow. I feel so validated.


[Antonio and Nash enter the room after the paternity test]
Tess: Still here.
Nash: Tess -- are you okay?
Antonio: How's the baby?
Tess: I'm fine, Antonio. Thanks for asking.


Tess: What makes you so sure that I can stay in control, especially with Antonio hanging around?
Nash: Well, I guess it's a good thing that that fine fellow got his foot caught in a bear trap.
Tess: Couldn't have happened to a nicer person.


Cristian: (to Carlotta) I have a feeling no matter what happens with this baby, Antonio's going to have his hands full with this Tess.


[Antonio knows about the video tape of Tess being molested by Norman Leeds]
Antonio: Viki and Clint filled me in.
Tess: What, did they give you a private screening?
Antonio: I don't need to see it. I'm sorry that that happened to you.
Tess: Save your pity party for somebody who cares. You feeling sorry for me is not going to bring Jessica back.


Tess: You know what, Antonio? If you win and Jessica comes back and I disappear forever and this baby turns out not to be yours, you have fun sleeping in hell.


Tess: You can stop with the puppy dog eyes, Antonio. I'm not Jessica.


Antonio: (handing Tess a paper) Sign this.
Tess: Oh, right, Antonio. I trust you. Yeah, let me just sign my soul away on the dotted line. Bite me.


Tess: You know, Antonio, this is so like you. So smug, so sure of yourself. You know, Dr. Crosby brings us down here for a play-by-play of the integration that -- wasn't. Jessica's still hiding and I'm still standing. Yet, you show up with a stupid piece of paper demanding to know when you can have proof that my baby is yours?


Antonio: I have a right to know if I am that baby's father.
Tess: Antonio, you have no rights! Jessica isn't here. She has disappeared, like always.


Antonio: I'll go with you.
Tess: You will step away from me, thank you.


Tess: Dr. Jacobs says that it could be today, a week from now, but she said the baby's dropping.
Antonio: Well, that means that your body's changing, getting ready to give birth.
Tess: Gee, Antonio, what gave you that idea?


Antonio: Jess, hey.
Tess: Jessica is not here and I'm sorry -- I don't take messages.


[Tess is in labor at the hospital]
Antonio: Jessica? Jessica, honey. I'm here.
Tess: I don't need an audience right now!


Antonio: Hey. The -- the drugs kicking in yet?
Tess: A 10-pound baby is trying to push its way out of my body.
Antonio: Sorry.


Tess: What do you want?
Antonio: I didn't think you should be alone.
Tess: Whatever.
Antonio: And I also wanted you to know that -- that I love you.
Tess: That stuff you said before about loving me, what's that about?
Antonio: Well, you guys, you know, practically look alike.
Tess: Are you kidding me?


Antonio: I was too quick to judge. I've learned to respect you.
Tess: Why?
Antonio: Because you're brave. The way you protect that baby, the way you've always taken care of Jessica.
Tess: Ok --
Antonio: How could I not love that?
Tess: Ok, ok, stop it.
Antonio: All right --
Tess: You're freaking me out now.


[Antonio comes by the hospital room to visit Tess and the baby]
Tess: The only reason that I'm not screaming for you to get out of my room right now is because it will disturb my daughter.
Antonio: Thank you.


Tess: I'm pretty sure that Jessie is gone for good.
Antonio: Well, then it's obvious that you don’t know Jessica as well as you think you do.
Tess: The baby needs a mother. The baby needs to be nursed. And whether you like it or not, honey, I have the equipment.


Antonio: The baby's not only yours, Tess.
Tess: Well, she's never going to be yours, Antonio.


Tess: How did you even get that this -- this quickly?
Antonio: I have friends from my years on the force.
Tess: Oh, did you grease a few palms, Antonio? Good job.
Antonio: The A.D.A. was sympathetic to the situation
Tess: That's because he heard your side of the story.
Antonio: Yeah, well, somebody's got to stick up for Jessica.
Tess: Oh, please, you're nobody's hero, loser.


Tess: Okay, this is low, even for you. I let you in the delivery room with me while I was giving birth. And the second the baby pops out, you're all whining and crying to the A.D.A., slamming me with court orders? You're a pig! I have no idea what Jessica ever saw in you.
Antonio: She knows that'll do anything to protect her, and since she's not here to protect herself, to -- fight you, then I'm going to do it for her.
Tess: You want a fight, honey? Bring it on.


[Antonio knows that Tess saved his life after the tornado]
Antonio: You made me think Jessica was back.
Tess: You needed a reason to live, Antonio. If you had told me that you saw Elvis, I would've told you it was true.


Tess: Great, great. Well, we've already established that everything that I do is wrong, but, you know, Antonio, look on the bright side. Not only do you survive, you now have a fresh new reason to hate my guts.
Antonio: I don't hate you.
Tess: Oh, please. You could have fooled me.


[The baby is fussy]
Tess: I can always get her to calm down.
Antonio: Nobody has the touch 100% of the time.
Tess: Oh, I thought that was just me.


Antonio: Viki’s had a hell of a year -- with her heart problems.
Tess: Oh, and me, yeah. That was tough.
Antonio: Tess, I didn’t say that.
Tess: Oh, I'm psychic.


[Tess is furious after Antonio kisses her in an attempt to bring Jessica out]
Antonio: I will do whatever I have to to get Jessica back.
Tess: What did you think that was going to do, anyway, huh, Antonio? Do you think that, what, Jessica's like some sleeping beauty, and a kiss from you is going to snap her out of it?
Antonio: No, Tess, I didn't think anything. I didn't plan it. But whatever happened there, it worked, because Jessica kissed me back.
Tess: Oh. Well, then, you both are lousy kissers.


Antonio: Look, it may have only been for a few seconds, but Jessica was here. She kissed me back. I know how she feels and how she tastes.
Tess: Oh, please -- shut up. You're grossing me out.
Antonio: And besides, you wouldn't let me kiss you. You'd haul off and slap me.
Tess: Yeah, you're right, I would. But if you try it again, I'll punch you -- in the lower region.


Antonio: Tess, you're back.
Tess: Don’t worry, Antonio, I'll be out of here in no time, and you can get back to your congas.