Nash & Jared

[Jared notices Nash's picture of Jessica]
Jared: So is that picture your lucky charm?
Nash: My wife.
Jared: Oh, of course. I should've noticed the ring.
Nash: You did notice the ring. You noticed my wife, too.


Nash: That vineyard's my dream and I'm not losing it in a poker match.
Jared: And you shouldn't. Dreams are good to have.
Nash: What about your dreams, Mr. Banks, huh? What do you got?


Jared: How about I give you a chance to win your money back?
Nash: I don't take charity and I don't take handouts.
Jared: I understand that, better than you know.


Nash: Hey -- you remember me?
Jared: Oh, yes -- the drunk one.


Nash: Now, look -- you can take my money. But nobody takes my land without a fight.
Jared: How about I buy you a beer and we celebrate our partnership?
Nash: How about you tell me why you're doing this?
Jared: Because I can.


Jared: Look, relax, Nash. I'm just a guy who sees an opportunity and I'm taking it.
Nash: Oh, you're a taker.
Jared: Oh, and you're not?


Jared: I'm an investor and your vineyard’s a good bet.
Nash: Do you know anything about grapes?
Jared: Yeah -- red with beef, white with fish, pink stuff when you're young and desperate.


Nash: I picked the grapes, I planted the vines, I developed the brand. The winery is mine.
Jared: Not anymore. We are partners -- well, technically, I own a majority stake, but I'd rather not think of you as an employee.


Jared: Tell me how you came up with that name for that naughty little California vintage you developed -- "Esprit Libre"? God, I'd love to hear that story.
Nash: "Libre"? Yeah. Ignoramus.


Jared: You know, I don't want to bother your wife.
Nash: She's out.
Jared: "She's out"? At this hour? What's she doing?
Nash: At this hour, why do you care?


Nash: (to Jared) Your style -- it takes a little getting used to.


[Jared suggests that they turn the vineyard into a tourist hot-spot]
Jared: We can do lamb, we can do fish, we can do pizzas -- all on the grill. It's going to smell great, and it's going to attract the crowds. What do you think?
Nash: Ah. It's not bad.
Jared: What would you change? And if you say me, I'm going to be really hurt.


Jared: You know the good thing about me, Nash? I'm not Antonio.


Nash: (to Jared) Yeah -- you don't know anything about wine, do you?


[Jared tries a little bit of wine]
Jared: This is good. It's bright, not too tannic. Nice finish. Is this ours?
Nash: No. No, it's our competitor's.
Jared: Good. Because we can do better.


Jared: There's beer in the mini-fridge, if you want.
Nash: Thanks, but I prefer not to mix my booze with business.
Jared: Unless it's your booze, right?
Nash: My booze is wine. Don't tell me you think they're the same thing, please.
Jared: I'm not that bad yet.


Jared: I try not to mix business with cheap hotel rooms, so we might want to take this --
Nash: No, it's all right. I've stayed in this motel in at least four states.


Jared: Like I said, I'm numbers and management guy, you are the expert. You make a great bottle of wine, I'm never going to mess with that.
Nash: So if you come up with some half-corked idea like screw-on caps or something, I can just tell you to get lost?
Jared: Wow. Screw tops. That's a good idea.
Nash: Get lost.
Jared: Wine in a box.
Nash: Die.
Jared: See, man? There's nothing to be tense about. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


[Jared shows Nash a bag of coins he's been using as an "expense account"]
Nash: What am I looking at?
Jared: Well, the cost of a bag of tobacco and a pack of rolling papers multiplied by the number of nic fits I've had since quitting. Smoking.
Nash: So, basically our petty cash is riding the back of your addiction, kind of like Hawaii on the back of a volcano.


Jared: You know, Nash, you and I aren't so different. We had to make it on our own with nobody else's help.
Nash: Yep -- both eyes-on-the-prize kind of guys.
Jared: Neither of us are going to stop until we get it.
Nash: Hurrah.


Jared: Never pay now what you can afford to pay later. Page 102, "The Art of the Steal: "Big Business by Asa Buchanan."
Nash: Oh, what, do you got that book memorized?
Jared: Uh -- most of it. He was a genius.
Nash: So I keep hearing.


[The truth is out -- Jared has come to Llanview to get revenge on Tess/Jessica]
Jared: (about Tess) She sent me to prison, Nash! You know what it's like to sit in a cell because some self-centered woman had nothing better to do? She set me up for kicks. Yeah, and ok, I fell for it. But she moved in like a bitch in heat.
[Nash moves to hit Jared, but stops himself]
Jared: Oh, yeah, you want to hit me? Yeah, go ahead, huh? I've been through worse, thanks to her.
Nash: Please -- you're talking about my wife.
Jared: Your wife set me up, called the cops, and then she took a picture on my phone so I could see her laughing at me! That’s why I'm here -- to wipe that smile off her face.
Nash: If you go near my Jessica --
Jared: You're going to what, kill me? Get sent to prison yourself? Trust me, Nash, she's not worth it.
[Nash punches Jared]


Jared: (to Nash) Word of warning -- your wife's got a major tell -- if she gets naked, she's lying.


Nash: Tess did what she did and there is no excuse for that. But what you're doing -- coming in the back door like this -- vineyard -- why couldn't you just have come to us and talked to us and tried to work this thing out?
Jared: Negotiate with the woman that hijacked my life and hung me out to dry?
Nash: Point taken.


Nash: (about Tess) See, right after we met, she stole my car.
Jared: When the story of your life comes out, I'm sure that first encounter will seem adorable.


Nash: (to Jared) Well, I'm going to put this as politely as I can -- get off my sofa before I rip off your head.


[Nash attacks Jared]
Jared: Yeah -- you better listen to your wife, Nash. You wouldn't want to manhandle me in my own house.
Nash: Well, I probably... (to Jessica) Why don't I take him into my 49% and beat the hell out of him?


[Jared brags about his one-night-stand with Tess/Jessica]
Nash: You know what? It's been my experience that when a guy wants everyone to know that he slept with someone, usually it's because it doesn't happen that often. Hey -- how was jail? How long were you there for? Tell us.


Nash: (to Jessica, about Jared) You know that guilt I'm supposed to be feeling about Antonio? Well, I think that this is payback in spades.


[Jared inspects his laptop after Nash and Jessica hosted a Halloween party for some toddlers]
Jared: What the hell's on my screen? It's sticky.
Natalie: Oh, I guess giving the kids PB&J was a bad idea.
Jared: Oh, those little --
Nash: Angels. Little angels. Don't they just put a smile on your face?


[Jared's laptop is ruined]
Jared: I don't believe this! Was anyone watching the kids?
Nash: Oh, and -- and stifle their creativity? Come on, now.
Jared: This is a $4,000 laptop!
Nash: Oh, but what is money compared to the joyous little looks on their faces?


[Jared is moving out of Nash and Jessica's cottage and into the Buchanan mansion]
Renee: Jared was worried that he was imposing on you.
Nash: Oh, yes, that is so like him.


Jared: So, maybe I've done a few things that were --
Nash: Rotten?
Jared: Yeah, depending on how you look at it, maybe I was kind of a --
Nash: Scoundrel.


Jared: Renee invited me here because she's genuinely a nice lady.
Nash: I don't care how you got the keys to the house. I know what you're doing. I know who you are -- why? Because I was you.
Jared: Ah. But then you got saved by the love of a good woman.
Nash: Maybe. But even at my worst, I would not have jumped on a grieving woman to fill the great big gaping hole in her heart.


Jessica: Chuck is one fine-looking ranch owner.
Nash: Must I remind you that you are a married lady, young lady?
Jared: Yeah, well, it never stopped her before.
[Nash punches Jared]


[Nash warns Natalie about Jared]
Nash: I've been living under the same roof with him. If you bunked with him, you know that he snores. You'll know that he leaves the lid open, and chews with his mouth open, that he eats anchovies on his pizza, that he watches golf on TV.


Nash: (to Charlie about Jared) I guess he's not all bad. I mean, he's pretty smart. He's not afraid to take a risk. It's just -- it's the way he goes about things, you know?


Jared: You guys here to welcome me with open arms?
Nash: Gag me.


Nash: (to Jared) We would like to invite you to a little holiday shindig at the cottage. Just a little Nat King Cole, a little eggnog, a little red wine, a little quality time with Bree. Bring a present. After all, you are her great-uncle.